Choosing my definitions

expanded consciousness

Not much change as of yet. Writing has slowed down, but that’s more from apathy and frustration. I know I did not give myself much time, but now I must look for some other kind of employment. (Wow, that last sentence sounds a little pompous) But I will not stop writing. Just a little less time to do it. Bills need to be paid.

Having the time to really think about what I wanted to do really helped me. I went from one dead-end job to the next in the hopes of something better. The problem was, they were all the same and nothing I wanted. Don’t get me wrong I always found something enjoyable about all my jobs. But I want something that helps me thrive, not just survive.

This helped me realize my own self-talk. The strange distorted ways I saw myself. That I was lazy, yet I’ve had jobs where I had to be up at 3am everyday. Or for one year in high school I journaled every single day. That I was stupid, yet I have a college degree. That I am boring. I traveled most of Europe and part of Asia in the first half of my 20s. And many of that by myself. That I have no skills. They may not all be usable in one job or another, but they are all useful in my life. I can writing, do photography, train a dog, hike for miles, research almost anything, clean, lie (sorry mom), and keep an open mind. That may not be much to some, but its better then many.

Yes, I know most everything I can do is only entry-level. But I work. And I am not going to follow in my family’s view that your life is about making money and any way to make more. I refuse to go down that road. Nobody can be happy in always wanting more stuff. This is not the same as bettering your life, which is what I want. Body, mind, spirit.

This one article helped my to see a bit more clearly. https://www.llewellyn.com/journal/article.php?id=2416 I suggest you give it a try.

rather

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